Do Elves Pick Their Nose?
by Aranel Mereneth
Summary: The Fellowship have only recently set out from Rivendell, and Pippin is bored. Are elves really as graceful as they appear? Pippin's curiousity gets the better of him... again. Hope it makes you laugh, please review!


_**Author's Note:**__** It's like 3am here, and I was suddenly hit with the inspiration of writing a LOTR story. It's really random, and inspired by a story that can be seen added on my favourites list, called "Elves, do they poop?" It's hilarious, so if you haven't read it, go check it out! Hope this makes you have a laugh or two! =) Please REVIEW!**_

**Do Elves Pick Their Nose?**

It was another day in the journey of the Fellowship. It had only been a week since the company had set out from Rivendell on their quest, and the hobbits were extremely bored. The Fellowship was still attempting to become acquainted with one another, and a certain pair of hobbits by the names of Merry and Pippin, were desperate to know something about the mysterious elf prince that was accompanying them. The only person the hobbits could think of that knew the prince prior to their journey was Aragorn. So one evening as the Fellowship conversed, huddled around a fire after eating a simple yet filling dinner, Pippin decided his curiosity had to be satisfied.

"Aragorn," the Halfling whispered as he nudged the ranger in the arm. Aragorn looked down at the hobbit and raised a questioning eyebrow.

Pippin took a quick glance at the elven prince, cleared his throat and straightened his back, putting on a position of confidence. "Aragorn, I was thinking, since you know so much about elves and all, and even though they're always graceful and stuff... do they, um, possibly have similar habits to everybody else?"

Aragorn stared at the inquisitive hobbit. He did not like the direction this conversation was taking. "Perhaps..." he replied.

"Well then!" Pippin continued excitedly, casting another quick glance at Legolas, whose gaze was fixed upon the dancing flames of the fire. "Do you know if... well... if elves... pick their nose?"

All conversation ceased.

Sam and Boromir stared at the young hobbit in utter shock. Gimli and Merry both wore identical masks of bewilderment. Both Gandalf and Frodo were attempting to suppress their growing smiles, and were failing miserably. Aragorn's pipe immediately fell from his lips in surprise, and the elf merely stared with a blank expression on his face.

Aragorn burst out laughing and was soon followed by Gandalf, Frodo, and then the rest of the Fellowship. Poor Pippin however, was still expecting an answer and bounced in his seat, impatient.

"Perhaps it is best for the elf to tell you himself about the... habits... of his race." Aragorn's eyes twinkled with mischief and the prince's eyes narrowed. Legolas turned to face Pippin, his face reddening in embarrassment at having to answer such an... interesting question.

"Well..." The elf began. He was simply lost for words at such a request. "I... well... No, I don't believe elves do... uhhh... pick their nose – no, not that I've heard of!" The prince cleared his throat and the red in his face spread to the tip of his pointed ears. "Maybe elflings do so – but I assure you I never did such a thing!"

Gandalf had now resorted to gripping onto Frodo's shoulder as he wiped tears of laughter from his eyes. "You might like to reconsider your statement there, young prince!" The wizard chuckled. "From my experience of being in your presence when you were also but an elfling, I'm sure I remember a particular incident when the young son of Thranduil placed a finger up a nasal cavity on the ceremony of his older brother's coming-of-age celebration in the presence of half the Greenwood population..."

Pippin's eyebrows rose in surprise as Gimli and Aragorn doubled over in hysterics. The elf prince was practically shrinking into the floor now, head bowed, teeth gritted in utter humiliation, mumbling "no no no no no, completely wrong!" Pippin strained to hear the elf also mutter something along the lines of "Annoying, wretched wizard... when he's asleep I'll break that stupid staff of his..."

"Might I add," said Gandalf, now gasping for breath. "That a certain young boy, also known as Estel to the elves, once had a slight _accident_ on his birthday in the presence of the lords of Rivendell..."

Aragorn instantly shut his mouth with an audible snap and gazed stupefied at the chuckling wizard. "You wouldn't..."

"Oh yes he would!" Legolas grumbled. His blue eyes twinkled in mischief as he turned to face the now paralysed ranger. "I was there too, remember, dear Estel? I do believe the servants had a hard time removing the brown stain of your business from the marble floors!"

Aragorn was livid.

"Oh no you didn't you prissy, annoying ORC!" Aragorn dove for Legolas, only to land with a SPLAT on his face, sprawled on the floor as the elf prince laughed merrily and sprinted towards a row of trees. Aragorn scrambled to his feet and followed, bellowing a stream of colourful elvish curses behind him.

The rest of the Fellowship had collapsed in hysterics. Pippin merely blinked. "Wait! So... do elves fart as well?"

The other members of the Fellowship quietened and gaped in disbelief at the young hobbit. The only answer the hobbit received was the crackling of the fire and the swearing of a man and elf somewhere in the wilderness...

THE END.


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